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April 04, 2015

this is love and it's bleeding out

some thoughts are always there and known, but have a way of making you tremble when you actually bother to look them in the eye. for instance, God became human. not just an Infinite & Always breather of stars walking around in a fleshy form, but actual proper 100% human. not just physically, but spiritually. like us. with a mom and a dad and teenage years and bad skin and breakable bones and blisters from working and the devil tempted Him and He had a favourite sleeping position and a laugh as individual as any of our's and He probably had a runny nose sometimes.

and He knew pain, physical and spiritual, just as we do, on top of whatever it is an unfathomable creator of edgeless universes generally feels. 

and fear. you know that blood-rushes-to-your-head-and-your-stomach-drops-to-your-feet urge to run away from something so very stupidly fast? knowing the worst possible sort of death was coming (slowly, which is infinitely worse than quickly) for You, but Your heart is straining under the weight of a thousand suns worth of love for someone and a thousand billion more someones, so You plant Your feet and spread your arms in a living, breathing gesture of Something so far beyond imagining and yet so blindingly close and heavy and there and forever and simultaneously unbelievable and devastatingly real. 

He worked impossible miracles, but one might expect that sort of thing from a god. one living inside skin that's coated in desert dust after a long day of work and sometimes not being able to sleep at night and bleeding from cuts on His hands (hands that designed existence) and every human thing (and all because He shaped you and loved you then and loves you now and He loved you in the future even in the past) and that the culmination of this love is lungs starved for air and a heart that's literally bursting is a whole different sort of mouthful to make some feeble and pathetic attempt at chewing.